Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Headline: "Gun backfires as car-repair tool"

Is there any way you would not read a story with this headline?

Hats off to the headline writer for making a Boomer with a shotgun and a stubborn lug nut sound amusing. My summary:
"He was bound and determined to get that lug nut off," said the deputy [so determined, apparently, he forgot that shotguns aren't really precision tools.]
"...nobody else was there and he wasn't intoxicated." [Well, why not? It would have been a swell party trick!]
He was working on a Lincoln Continental. The wheel was about arm's length away when he fired the shotgun. [Can't you just hear the doors of his rational brain slamming shut?] He was peppered with buckshot and "other debris" in both legs and is now in the hospital. No word on the condition of the Lincoln.


Finnboy said...

This fellow is a future Darwin Award winner for sure. This reminds me of when I was 17 or 18. A friend of mine had a 64 Dodge Coronet. We were trying to change a tire on it and could not get even one lug nut to move. We ended breaking a lug completely off using a cheater bar. A friend stopped by and asked what we were doing. We said that we were trying to change the @#%$&%#$ tire. He started laughing. Did we read the owners manual, he asked. No. You should do so now, he offered. We did. We immediately understood the reason for his laughter. You see, during the mid sixties, some sick engineer at Dodge decided it was better to install left-hand threaded lugs than the industry standard right-hand threaded lugs. So, all we were doing was tightening the lugs even more. We would have eventually gotten the wheel off after breaking all of the lugs. Live and learn, they say.

Bemused Boomer said...

Hey, Finnboy--
I'm surprised you didn't just shoot the stoopit lug nut! Your restraint shows great strength of character. And at such a young age--you must be a paragon of boomer virtue by now!

cinderelly said...

ha, ha! silly boys...they never read directions or ask for help! that was funny, both your post and finnboys comment!

finnboy said...

Ha!! I am most certainly a paragon of boomer-osity!!! Thanks!!!
Cinderelly, you are right that we didn't even consider to consult the owners manual. However, the engineer I was referring to was a WOMAN!!!! She probably needs help changing her flat tires today.