(This is an actual headline from a KOMO 4 TV Associated Press news story. Honest, I don’t make these things up!)
My 95-year-old Great Aunt says the reason the people in her retirement apartment community are so happy is because they woke up that morning and found out they were still alive. No one should contradict you when you make that joyous discovery. But someone’s bound to give it a try, and that someone is more than likely to be the government.
A 76-year-old woman in Pasco, Washington was told by Social Security that she was dead. She was a little bit surprised. Not only is she not dead, but neither is her 97-year-old mother, whom Social Security hasn't tried to kill off yet.
So, how do you go about proving you're not dead? Doris Pennington brought her very-much-alive self to the Social Security office and showed them her driver's license. They looked at it and told her a doctor's note might help. A doctor's note!? (Um, Doc--could you please verify I'm alive?) So she got one.
It's a good thing she's so lively; I know a couch potato or two who might have trouble proving life still exists in their mostly-inanimate bodies. Even with a doctor’s note.
They say Doris will probably get her benefits reinstated, but they don't know how long it will take. She’s getting a little anxious. Apparently, the prospect of going home to live with mom at the age of 76 doesn’t appeal to her.