I'm afraid to visit any more medical professionals. Each time I see one, a little bit of life as I knew it disappears. Take for instance, "cuteness." As Diane Keaton laments in the 1987 movie "Baby Boom," just before she passes out in exhaustion from the rigors of instant single parenthood: "I used to be cute!" A lot of us feel that way.
My foot doctor treats the feet of professional basketball teams, as evidenced by souvenir athletic shoes the size of surfboards in his lobby. This guy can keep the players running and jumping no matter what, but he looked at my X-rays last year, mumbled words like "pronation" and "thin bones"-- then proceded to create orthotics that feel like rocks under my arches. "Oh," he said, "you'll have to wear flats, and they will have to have footpads that are removable." He should have just said, "You will never, ever wear cute shoes again." He sent me to a shoe store that specializes in sturdy shoes. Grandma shoes. I'm mortified. I like walking without limping, of course, but I 'm still suffering from extreme cute-shoe grief.
Practicality, 1; Cuteness, 0.
A couple of months ago, the optician dealt cuteness another crushing blow. She said my jaunty red glasses slide down my nose because I need glasses with nosepads. Preferably rimless glasses. (Nooooooo!" My dad wore rimless glasses, for Pete's sake!) She plopped some springy titanium rimless things on my nose. Gad. I look like my dad. (Doesn't that make you women who are horrified to see your mother in the mirror feel better?) They definitely do stay in place, but I miss my jaunty red glasses.
Practicality, 2; Cuteness, 0.
My handy shoulder bag is going to be the next casualty. My totally unreasonable chiropractor says I need to carry a bag with handles--just because I have knotted neck muscles and a shoulder that is one inch higher than the other. I'll get to it, just as soon as I work through the five stages of grief for my condemned shoulder bag.
Practicality 3; Cuteness, 0.
Try to visulize a woman wearing grandma shoes and rimless glasses, and carrying a carpet bag. Who do you see? Yep, you got it--if I add a hat and an umbrella, Mary Poppins is going to have some stiff competition!
Practicality: the Undisputed Champion
Cuteness: Late and Lamented.
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1 comment:
but ya gotta admit...mary poppins is purty cute! yeah, someday they will take my high heels away from me. i will be devastated, you know how i love my high heels! there are only one or two people in the world i wear flat shoes for! ;]
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