Please Wait . . .

“Please Wait...” It sounds so polite. Why does it make me crazy? Is it because seems like my day is a series of tests of my tiny patience? (I'm failing those tests on a regular basis, BTW.)

My computer said "Please wait..." instead of pulling up my email. I called the help desk and got a series of multi-part menus, each with equally complex submenus. When I tried hitting "0" to see if I could get a human, the recorded voice said, "Please wait..." I tried to copy something on the copy machine and was told it was coming out of sleep mode (was it trying to make me jealous?) and "please wait..."

The bathroom sink made me wait while the automatic faucet decided if it should bless me with water. The electric towel dispenser meditated for a minute before dispensing my 3" paper towel.

I needed instant gratification. I turned to my old friend--the office vending machine. I made visual contact with a beautiful candy bar and started to salivate. After two attempts to get my dollar bill into the slot, I was practically drooling. Then I saw it. “P-l-e-a-s-e- W-a-i-t,” marched slowly across the tiny LED screen. I nearly whimpered when it said, “Please deposit exact change.” I pushed the Return button to get the machine to return my dollar. It didn’t. “Please wait. . . ,” said the LED display.

The cafeteria lady said she could hear me sobbing from down the hall.