Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Rhodies and Bumblebees


At a certain time of year in the Pacific Northwest, Nature gifts us with more bouquets than we could ever bring into our houses, if we felt such a need. But we don’t feel the need, because the gift is multitudinous and lush, a visual feast everywhere we look. This is the time of year when the rhododendrons bloom.

Nondescript plants that we perceive as green background the rest of the year turn into prom queens for a few weeks, wearing huge puffballs of pink, magenta, red, cream, and even orange. Some “rhodies” are short, not much bigger than their cousins the azaleas, and some are taller than two story houses. Some bloom early in spring and some wait until all the others have exhausted themselves before taking center stage, to mass applause.

Yesterday was one of the three really warm days we’ve had this year. I came home from work and opened all the blinds and windows. What a surprise! Different colored bouquets of flowers awaited me at every window. The master flower arranger set up visual treats everywhere I looked. A fat, furry bumble bee crawled in and out of the pink flowers nearest the dining room window. We had dinner together, he gathering nectar and me gathering fat and salt from my frozen enchilada dinner. I felt inexplicably cheered. There is something just so right about a bumblebee in the sun, going about his business.

Late last night, the rain returned. I couldn’t help looking at the rhodies from my second-story bedroom window and hope the rain would not pummel them so hard they would bruise and fall off the plants. My hopes were dashed, however; it rained hard for a while. The puffballs deflated. Not to worry; it is early in the season yet. There are buds on the plants, waiting to burst forth. And the late bloomers haven’t even come into the wings yet.

Two raccoons fought each other, as they do every night, for the neighbor cat’s food. The bumble bees hid wherever bumble bees go on rainy nights, to fly again tomorrow. Life is ever resilient.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Weather Service is looking out for you!




OK, it’s official. Seattle people can’t handle sunshine, so the government has to step in. The earnest young weather forecaster on TV this morning said the Weather Service is issuing a weather alert for our area because (don’t be fooled by the fact that it is 53 degrees and misting outside right now) it will be 78-80 degrees by the time we get off work. She said we haven’t seen weather like that in eight months.

The Weather Service is afraid we will bare our fluorescent white bodies and flood the burn wards tomorrow. They are trying avoid hiking trails littered with the unconscious bodies of dehydrated people who foolishly went hiking without canteens. They’re sure we’ll let our children and grandmothers sit in the ferocious 78-degree-weather until they …what? Get a tan?

I think the Weather Service may be just a little patronizing. But then, there’s no telling what the sun-starved hordes will do when the golden orb shows up for more than a half an hour. I think I I'll go look for my 5-year-old, half-used tube of sunscreen. Why encourage them?

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Smithsonian Guys and "Sex in the City"

OK, I admit it. I sometimes read celebrity news. (What? Like you don't have any weird habits!)

The deceased TV show “Sex in the City” is still getting press. Yesterday, IMDB (Internet Movie Database) source Wenn News reported Sarah Jessica Parker begged Smithsonian to loan back to her the desk and laptop she gave them when the TV series ended, so she can use it in the upcoming movie. The Smithsonian didn't want to loan it and dared to suggest she use a replica.

Sarah Jessica insists a replica won't do; it has to be the very same desk. She says, "We had to have that desk - as a writer, it's an extension of you." Wait, isn't she just an actress pretending to be a writer? And wasn't that desk just a prop? The lines between reality and fantasy get blurrier and blurrier--no wonder I'm always bemused!

Besides, I don't know any writers who think of their desks as extensions of themselves. They use whatever is at hand when the muse strikes, from blackberries to the backs of napkins. Writers are as dangerous as those distracted cell phone users--maybe more dangerous--because their bodies continue moving when their brains are in whole other worlds. (Lifesaving tip: When you go out with your writing buddies, make sure you drive. They may look like they're in the car with you, but they're not. Trust me.)

But I digress. Ms. Parker did manage to get the desk loaned for the movie. She made "a personal phone call" to the bosses at the institute to make it happen. It's probably a pretty novel experience for the Smithsonian guys to get phone calls from people who actually used the items they collect. (I don't imagine Lincoln calls very often about his desk.)

I guess even Smithsonian guys get a little starstruck sometimes. Still, ya gotta respect them for accurately representiing American trends--even the cult of celebrity worship!

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Heard Over the Wall

Those of us who work in cubeland can't see our co-workers, but oh, do we hear them. The more discreet among us never say anything about what they hear. The less discreet can't wait to get into the restroom to burst out laughing and share with their friends. The truly disgusting, those whom you would never, ever want to have know your secrets, are bloggers.

Here's a sample of bits heard over the wall of my cube. No, I don't know the context. No, I can't even make up stories to go with these snippets. Enjoy them (I did):

1. “Ah, that’s too bad. He has such nice teeth. I’ve never seen a dummy that had teeth before.”

2. [Man talking to stay-at-home wife on phone]:“Why don’t you go take [young son] swimming? You both enjoy that. Then go have a nice massage.” (Some women have all the luck.)

3. “Number one son is working at Taco Time. We’re just grateful he’s not sitting around the house anymore. Number two son is trying to decide what college to go to. He’s got scholarship opportunities… .”

4. “You get too many wheels and they just get lost in the junkyard… .”

5. “Crunch, crunch, crunch” (does anyone realize just how far the sounds of eating crunchy food carries?)

6. "So we’re out with Joe in that boat; we knew it had a little dry rot, but I was surprised when the cable holding the dingy behind us ripped out. Then the bilge pump buzzer went off. 'What’s that?' I asked him. 'I don’t know,' he said, 'it didn’t go off the last time we were out.' I said, 'What did you do to fix it last time?' 'Oh, nuthin', he said, 'It stopped by itself.' Well, we didn’t go out on that boat again."

Friday, May 2, 2008

Please Wait . . .

“Please Wait...” It sounds so polite. Why does it make me crazy? Is it because seems like my day is a series of tests of my tiny patience? (I'm failing those tests on a regular basis, BTW.)

My computer said "Please wait..." instead of pulling up my email. I called the help desk and got a series of multi-part menus, each with equally complex submenus. When I tried hitting "0" to see if I could get a human, the recorded voice said, "Please wait..." I tried to copy something on the copy machine and was told it was coming out of sleep mode (was it trying to make me jealous?) and "please wait..."

The bathroom sink made me wait while the automatic faucet decided if it should bless me with water. The electric towel dispenser meditated for a minute before dispensing my 3" paper towel.

I needed instant gratification. I turned to my old friend--the office vending machine. I made visual contact with a beautiful candy bar and started to salivate. After two attempts to get my dollar bill into the slot, I was practically drooling. Then I saw it. “P-l-e-a-s-e- W-a-i-t,” marched slowly across the tiny LED screen. I nearly whimpered when it said, “Please deposit exact change.” I pushed the Return button to get the machine to return my dollar. It didn’t. “Please wait. . . ,” said the LED display.

The cafeteria lady said she could hear me sobbing from down the hall.